Category Archives: Bullshit

Woman Arrested for Shooting Dog

A woman in Greeley, Colorado is arrested after she shot her poodle terrior mix with a .22 caliber handgun. Police said they found the woman in her front yard crying. She told officers that she couldn’t afford to euthanize the 15-year old dog who was sick. The woman told the Greeley Tribune, “Bailey was my best friend. I had a lot of financial problems lately, and my car was stolen, so I didn’t have any money to take her to a vet to have her put down.” She was arrested under felony animal cruelty charges.

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xPirate’s response to the situation: I’m conflicted. I don’t know what the condition of the dog was, I guess. If the dog was like suffering tremendously, then I believe that the woman did the right thing. If it wasn’t suffering though, she should have let nature kill it. However, I don’t believe that she should have been arrested. The lady had the dog’s best interest in heart. She was in no way being cruel about it. Vets shouldn’t charge money to put animals down. THAT sounds more like cruelty to me.

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Kid’s Rampage Kills 13 Zoo Animals

A seven year old little boy evaded zoo security as he jumped over the fence to enter Wednesday morning. He proceeded to bludgeon animals with rocks and even went as far as to throw some over the fence of the crocodile cage. At one point he was seen trying to get into the crocodile enclosure himself. The zoo director stated that many of the animals were rare and going to be difficult to replace. The boy is too young to be held responsible, but the zoo is looking into suing the parents. “We’re looking into suing the parents, who were supposedly in control of him at the time.”

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xPirate’s thoughts on the subject: Where the hell is this kid’s parents? And if they were just standing back watching, they should not be allowed to even have children! This is insane. Does the boy have some sort of mental disability? If he doesn’t, I’m terrified of what he will turn into when he gets older (murderer, much?) I hope his parents do get sued, because the zoo will most certainly win the case. They lost 13 rare animals. And all I can really say about this situation is, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT KID!?

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Man Shoots Himself for Sex

A man in Fort Myers resorted to shooting himself twice in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him. The couple came home from the bar early Wednesday morning and when the man tried to get intimate the woman refused. She just wanted to go to sleep. After her boyfriend expressed anger she went to another bedroom to get some sleep. She then reported hearing two gut shots. The man came into the room and threatened her before stumbling into the kitchen and falling onto the stove where he was knocked unconcious. The man is now being charged with threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling and is being held on $100,000 bail.

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xPirate responds to the situation: Uhm…really? This dude was clearly never taught as a child the simple lesson that NO MEANS NO! I mean, he probably was drunk, having just come home from the bar and everything, but if he was drunk enough to forget that then he probably wouldn’t have been able to perform well in bed anyways.

To look on the positive side of things, at least the girl wasn’t raped or hurt in any way. Not to mention the bastard got what he deserved. I’m still trying to figure out why he shot himself though, because that just doesn’t make much sense to me. Was it an accident? Or did he deliberately shoot himself because he couldn’t get laid? Either way, it makes the guy an idiot.

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Soulja Boy – The Next Big Game Designer?

American rapper, Soulja Boy, famous at school dances and night clubs for his hit “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” has new and exciting plans for his career. In a video interview that can be found on JoyStiq, he announced that he “wants to get into things like video game design and web site design.” He also wants to attend college but says he’s unable to because he is a “superstar.”

xPirate Cranks Dat Soulja Boy: Dot dot dot, question mark? I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with the fact that in high school these days, if you don’t know the Soulja Boy dance you are shunned, hated, and sometimes even killed. Well, maybe not that extreme, but it is taboo to not be familiar with it. I’m wondering what kind of video games he plans to make? If it’s another Grand Theft Auto type criminal game, then he’s just going to further the rapper stereotype and humiliate himself. If he wants to intelligently design a game that gamers are going to be able to enjoy for hours on end, then I’m all for it. But if his game is anything like his music, you’ll be Superman out killing hookers.

I also wonder if he knows how much time and effort it takes to design a game. I’ve personally tried getting into the business but simply lacked the availability to get it done. So if he’s thinking it’s all the fun of playing games itself, he’s got another thing coming.

I wish him the best of luck and hope that he does decide to go to college. He’d probably be the first rapper to do such a thing. Nothing against rappers, it’s just most of them these days only talk about how much weed they smoke and how much they have sex. And while weed and sex may be important to the college atmosphere, it is most certainly NOT a reason to go to college. So good luck Soulja Boy and if you do manage to break into game design, PLEASE don’t make crappy game!

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Grandfather Becomes Pregnant After Hospital Error

A 71 year-old grandfather being treated at a hospital in Portland for abdominal pain has recently been informed that he is pregnant. Apparently the staff offered the man, a retired mechanic and logger, the news accompanied by some pain medication. Hospital adminsistrator William McMillan says it was a “keystroke error” that caused the computers to give the wrong information.

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xPirate’s thoughts on the situation: I personally find this hilarious! How awkward must it have been for this poor man when they told him he was pregnant? From all the articles I’ve read, it seems like the staff didn’t even seem concerned that they were telling a man he was pregnant. I’m not entirely sure on the exact situation, but if they didn’t realize they made an error immediately, there is some serious problems with this hospital. Either way, congratulations grandpa! When are you due?

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Murder for Breast Implants

In Fountain, Colorado, Nikita Lee Weis was arrested under suspicion of cospiricy to commit first degree murder. The teen hired Juan Antonio Velez Gonzalez and Brandon Michael Soroka to kill his mother so that he could sell her car and use the money to buy his girlfriend, Sophia Alsept, breast implants. The moether was attacked with small baseball bats however she was able to get away. She was released from the hospital Friday. Everyone involved have been locked up on $50,000 bail.

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xPirate’s thought on this shenanigan: Of all the reasons to murder your mother, and this kid was planning on buying his girlfriend breast implants. I can see where he could benefit from that, but that also means she’d probably dump his ass for some hotter guy she couldn’t get before. How stupid do you have to be, really? These kids are all getting what they deserve…

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PETA Calls for Breast Milk Ice Cream

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) Vice president Tracy Reiman recently sent a letter to Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream founders asking that they no longer use milk from cows in the production of their product, but instead human breast milk. They made an argument based on a restaurant in Switzerland which is developing a menu that is includes foods made with 75% breast milk. PETA argued that since cows are forced into pregnancy for milk that it would be ethical to do this to humans as well.

xPirate’s Milky Reaction: Okay PETA, I don’t mean to sound mean, but seriously, if you put the “ethical treatment of animals” before the ethical treatment of humans then you aren’t right in the head. It should be a species’ basic instinct to survive and work to improve your own species. I hate to break it to you, but we are superior to animals and so we as humans are going to use them to ensure our survival. If you want to be a vegetarian or vegan, go for it, I totally support that. It is when you make these outrageous suggestions and actions and trying to force your lifestyle on the rest of us that I find myself calling you what you really are…idiots.

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