Category Archives: Crime

Woman Arrested for Shooting Dog

A woman in Greeley, Colorado is arrested after she shot her poodle terrior mix with a .22 caliber handgun. Police said they found the woman in her front yard crying. She told officers that she couldn’t afford to euthanize the 15-year old dog who was sick. The woman told the Greeley Tribune, “Bailey was my best friend. I had a lot of financial problems lately, and my car was stolen, so I didn’t have any money to take her to a vet to have her put down.” She was arrested under felony animal cruelty charges.

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xPirate’s response to the situation: I’m conflicted. I don’t know what the condition of the dog was, I guess. If the dog was like suffering tremendously, then I believe that the woman did the right thing. If it wasn’t suffering though, she should have let nature kill it. However, I don’t believe that she should have been arrested. The lady had the dog’s best interest in heart. She was in no way being cruel about it. Vets shouldn’t charge money to put animals down. THAT sounds more like cruelty to me.

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Kid’s Rampage Kills 13 Zoo Animals

A seven year old little boy evaded zoo security as he jumped over the fence to enter Wednesday morning. He proceeded to bludgeon animals with rocks and even went as far as to throw some over the fence of the crocodile cage. At one point he was seen trying to get into the crocodile enclosure himself. The zoo director stated that many of the animals were rare and going to be difficult to replace. The boy is too young to be held responsible, but the zoo is looking into suing the parents. “We’re looking into suing the parents, who were supposedly in control of him at the time.”

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xPirate’s thoughts on the subject: Where the hell is this kid’s parents? And if they were just standing back watching, they should not be allowed to even have children! This is insane. Does the boy have some sort of mental disability? If he doesn’t, I’m terrified of what he will turn into when he gets older (murderer, much?) I hope his parents do get sued, because the zoo will most certainly win the case. They lost 13 rare animals. And all I can really say about this situation is, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT KID!?

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Man Shoots Himself for Sex

A man in Fort Myers resorted to shooting himself twice in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him. The couple came home from the bar early Wednesday morning and when the man tried to get intimate the woman refused. She just wanted to go to sleep. After her boyfriend expressed anger she went to another bedroom to get some sleep. She then reported hearing two gut shots. The man came into the room and threatened her before stumbling into the kitchen and falling onto the stove where he was knocked unconcious. The man is now being charged with threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling and is being held on $100,000 bail.

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xPirate responds to the situation: Uhm…really? This dude was clearly never taught as a child the simple lesson that NO MEANS NO! I mean, he probably was drunk, having just come home from the bar and everything, but if he was drunk enough to forget that then he probably wouldn’t have been able to perform well in bed anyways.

To look on the positive side of things, at least the girl wasn’t raped or hurt in any way. Not to mention the bastard got what he deserved. I’m still trying to figure out why he shot himself though, because that just doesn’t make much sense to me. Was it an accident? Or did he deliberately shoot himself because he couldn’t get laid? Either way, it makes the guy an idiot.

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Bank Robbery Fit for the Comic Books

A recent bank robbery in Monroe, Washington has investigators stifled by the creativity of what could very well be the worlds next super villian. The robbery happened around 11AM at the Bank of America when an armored car security guard was peppersprayed. The robber than proceeded to the nearby creek where he escaped on an intertube. Many of the investigators had never experienced such a creative get away.

What’s more appauling than the get-away was the ad on craigslist from a supposed road construction company that asked people wanting a job to meet right near the bank. The applicants were asked to wear a yellow vest, safety goggles, a respirator mask, and if possible, a blue shirt. About a dozen people showed up only to later find out that they had been recruited into decoys for the robber, who wore the same attire.

The robber is still at large. Police have found the intertube he used but have no trace of him after that. They are still investigating the ad on craigslist.

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xPirate’s thoughts on the new super villian: First of all, I want to say RIGHT ON! I don’t condone bank robbery, but this man was obviously intelligent. I give him props. It reminded me a lot of the bank robbery scene from The Dark Knight, when the Joker kills off all his accomplices and takes all the money for himself. If this man is the next real world super villian, I’d cheer him on.

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